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Understanding Me

March 31, 2012

It’s very difficult for me to accurately define myself, and this has been an ongoing problem that 7 years of practice has only shown marginal improvement, far short of what I should have expected at this point. For the more I see to understand myself and to express who I am, the more complicated this “self” becomes, and I’ve gotten to the point where the simplest way of understanding myself is that there was never any “real” self to begin with.

The problem with freedom is that it is inherently at odds with attachment, because to be attached is to be tied down to the relationships, beliefs, values, and reality that one identifies with. In my most natural state, I don’t identify with anything at all, except perhaps for the superficial need to pretend to identify in order to properly communicate with those that do. Identification is such an integral part of human nature, that failure to account for its prevalence, even if only as an illusory construct of the Ego, would almost certainly result in misunderstandings with all whom one might hope to communicate with.

Until recently I was by my very nature a narcissistic psychopath, not by choice or deliberation, but out of ignorance. No one had shown me love, and I was not familiar with what it was, and so I struggled to understand based off what little I knew, and to develop a comprehensive understanding through continual observation and analysis, albeit mostly the latter. My journey through this process is expressed through my writing, particularly and, with the former concerned with self-analysis (the outside looking in), and the latter concerned with world-analysis (the inside looking out).

After much analysis of all these things (i.e. love, trust, relationships, spiritual energy, reality-association, etc.) I came to the conclusion that the best-of-all-worlds philosophy is Oneness. This is because Oneness stands for:

Absolute freedom: (one is all),

Absolute sympathy: (all is one, and so we are benefit from caring for one other and helping each other)

Absolute love: (loving all equally, infinitely, and unconditionally)

Absolute trust (we are all part of the same thing)

Absolute intimacy (I am you, you are me, we are all, God is us, all as one)

Absolute perfection (the sum of all things is perfect)

Absolute beauty (each individual person, part, characteristic, molecule, atom, particle….is another facet in the diamond of Oneness, the diversity of which only enhances the beauty of the Universe, and which we all contribute to.

Absolute individuality: Just as each one of us is part of the all, so are we all One. While the counterfeit of Oneness “collectivism” may appear to destroy individuality, true Oneness is the epitome of the individual, because when we realize our Oneness, we are truly One person.

So this is my solution: Oneness. I now know the answer, it remains only for me to truly realize (appreciate).

This is the best I can do at the present time to explain to you who I am, what I want, and where I’m going. If you can’t understand even now the substance of my character, then I can only hope that in the future, when I truly realize Oneness, that I will be enlightened enough to not only clarify these things, but to alleviate all misunderstandings 🙂

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