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All or Nothing

December 19, 2011

The past several days, I have been contemplating whether I am willing to make the sacrifices necessary to achieve a relationship with God, to achieve Oneness. One such sacrifice I must make, is the giving up of a physical family– of having my own children; admittedly, this is likely the most difficult thing to give up for me.

But when it comes to such ideals as Oneness, it really is “all or nothing”; there are no “priorities” when it comes to Oneness– I must do far more than “put God first”– everything in my life must be done for God. Having a physical family translates into desire for attachment to the physical world, and thus separateness; as such, not only would a physical family interfere with my relationship with God, but my continued desire for one is preventing me from achieving enlightenment– from experiencing Oneness with God.

The concept of surrendering it all to God is not foreign to me, and I have thought a lot about it, particularly in this post. I am indeed of the character optimized for sacrificing everything else– the all-or-nothing mindset has always been integral to my successful. But by the same token, this is also why I have never been truly successful– I’ve never gone “all or nothing” on anything– never had the gut to, or was ever willing to make the sacrifices necessary to live my life with such a line of thinking.

This reason why I’ve never “gone all out”, is quite simple: fear. I have been afraid of failing to reach my potential, in doubt of my ability to live up to my own expectations, insecure about all that I am, and will be. All or Nothing is an integral part of who I am, and the only thing that is stopping me from manifesting everything I am, is Fear.

But as Marianne Williamson put it:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

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