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July 1, 2011

As I spent my time on the bus, waiting to get to my destination, I had a long, somewhat heated argument– with myself. I questioned my motivations for the projects that I was involved in, pressured myself to do even more with these projects, and told myself to just calm down, stick with what I have, and just see what happens.

Part of me argued to run away from what could potentially risk my future on half-assed endeavors, another told me to push these risk endeavors to the limit, going all in on things and hope for the best, and the other part told me that running away was a violation of my values and personal pride, and that although “playing it safe” was a good course of action, I should hold on to what I’ve got, and preserve status quo.

One part tells me to fight (Id) to fulfill my greatest passions, another to flee (Ego) to preserve myself and remain in control of my future, and the final told my stand firm, rooted where I am (SuperEgo), to protect what I already have, and ensure that status quo (my comfort zone) is maintained.

My fate in life is dependent of the reconciliation and resolution of these conflicting layers of the persona that is Me (Id), Myself (Ego) and I (SuperEgo). I must resolve this inner battle of mine, if I am to genuinely have a future at all.


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