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Merits of Singledom

May 12, 2011

For the past couple years, I’ve been more heavily involved in relationships, experimenting with girls, becoming vulnerable to love, and experiencing all sorts of exciting and invigorating things. Sure I’ve learned a lot as a result, particularly about girls, but I haven’t been particularly productive. So, as I am single again, I plan to celebrate my singledom by taking advantage of the resulting influx of negative emotions and subsequent depression, channeling it into my writing, and sublimating it into being more productive and progressive with my life.

Relationships make me happy, and make my life feel more worthwhile, but in the end they are also a drug, feeling me with a sense of well-being that ends up actually preventing me from actually living life, as I end up being satisfied with the preexisting happiness I experience by being “in love”, and having someone to give my life meaning, purpose, direction, and personal fulfillment. This happiness, like all things, has a price, and that is that in the end, relationships, love, and sex are merely chemical on their own, having no lasting merits or anything productive about them.

For this reason, as ironic as it might seem, healthy relationships are actually built upon singledom; the emotional, physical, spiritual, and financial independence that singledom is built upon, is prerequisite to balanced and healthy relationships– it is only through independence even in loving relationships can a balanced consummate love be achieved and maintained– this is the principle merit of singledom.

It’s quite obvious to me at this point that all relationships should be built upon stability in every sense of the word; love is by its very nature unstable (being built upon destabilizing passion and lust), and should be the reward of a successful life, not the substitute. I already learned this in my last relationship, but being weak-willed and pleasure-craving as I was, fell into the same wretched cycle of using love as a drug, rather than waiting until I deserved and was ready for a relationship.

I’m so desiring of finding someone and settling down, that I’ve continually forgotten that there are prerequisites for love, that settling down first requires the ability to do so; without even so much as a job or more own place, much less the social network and psychological development for a relationship, I have time and time again gone way over my head in my pursuit of finding a suitable (or at least “palatable”) mate to get into a relationship, invest myself in, to love and be loved, and settle down and start a family with. But as much as I wish I could just jump into it all, take the plunge and force myself into this bright new future, things aren’t so easy– there are prerequisites to be fulfilled, whether I like it or not.

To be ready to settle down, love a person, and start a family with them, I must first develop independence and stability on my own; after all, if I can’t survive on my own, how can I expect to be able to support a whole family– to attempt to makeshift such a codependent existence would be imbalanced at best, and severely dysfunctional at worst. To acquire the maturity, independence, and personal stability necessary to develop and maintain love relationships and, by extension, to properly rear families, that one do so while already single; this prevents any false perceptions and confidence that can and will inevitably result from trying to develop these traits after being in a relationship.

So for now, I plan to remain single and establish  proper relationships with friends, and build up my own self-confidence, independence, maturity, stability, and life skills on my own, that when I do get into my next relationship with a person, that it will be a fruitful and balanced one, and so that with the proper amount of mutual intimacy, dedication, and love, that my next relationship will truly be my last.

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