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January 5, 2011

I am quite able to see the difference between my personalities– you’re just not able to accept *all* of my personalities. you expect me to be someone that I’m not– you think that I want to me nice, and you are wrong. None of my personalities want to be nice, although th3g1vr appears to be nice; the only reason why th3g1vr appears to be nice is because he is the observer and wants to avoid interference; essentially, that part of me appears nice because he wants to maintain status quo, to ensure the integrity of communication and other experimental data.

I don’t care about you, remember? I only pretend to be– th3g1vr to observe, Kurutio (who I am now) to experience and be inspired, and Matthias to control. No matter what personality you’re dealing with, all of them couldn’t care less about you as a person. you have only been used from the very beginning, and you fail to understand that. you relate me according to yourself, and assume that we share common beliefs, interests, and values; in reality, we have nothing in common and you are merely biasing my words and actions to fit into your idea of reasonable normality. I am too abnormal for you, but you were never able to truly accept that.

I do see things from your point of view– I always have. But I have already analyzed your point of view greatly, and its simplicity and naivety is sickening to me.  Regardless of your point of view, I’m not going to modify my behavior in consideration (as you might expect of me), because you are you, and I am me. We do not agree, and I see no merits whatsoever to your point of view; I consider it for a bit, but after realizing how bullshit it is, I disregard it as negligible data.

My point of view is most acceptable and correct not because it is actually “the truth” or even factual (neither of these are possible to truly know in the first place IMO), but because as the selfish narcissist I am at heart, my point of view takes prominence by default, quite simply because it’s my view. I don’t want to believe what you believe, because then I would not be me, I would be you. I don’t see any merits (as you might) of depreciating my own dreams just to take part in someone else’s. Any so-called “selflessness” that you might ‘benefit’ from as a result is merely an illusionary construct of the superego; you are unable to see why I am unwilling to live according to your beliefs, because you have decided that the ignorance of bliss is preferable over the bitter truth– that in the end, we are all alone, that our lives have no lasting meaning, that everything we ever do will be forgotten, and that there is no real truth. These things I have accepted, because I needed to to truly begin living instead of just dreaming, as you and most other people continue to. Because I have accepted these things to be truth and you have not, we have a strong divergence of values, and that divergence has precipitated this present conflict.

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