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Love Dynamics

December 6, 2010

For thousands of years, love has proven to be one of the most mysterious aspects of life; even though much of the human existence is driven by love, none of us truly know what it is, nor where it comes from. Some people think it’s a trick of evolution, some a construct of the Ego, while religious folk claim it to be the manifestation of God himself. But regardless of what love is or where it comes from, we can only viably determine the nature of love through the consequence of its being; namely, love is what it does (causality).

If we are to understand love by means of analyzing its causal relationship, there are many different types of love; most of what love is has been derived by Robert Sternberg, as exemplified in his Triangular Theory of Love. There is love of passion (infatuation), which I believe to be the most common form of love in relationships, an intimate love (the most pure form of which can be found in friendships), and empty love (common in the obligations of marriage, especially in societies with high standards such as Japan). All loves that people experience are a mix of these three, although a healthy love can only be consummated with a balance of passion, intimacy, and commitment in a relationship; this kind of love, Consummate Love, is what I am aiming for.

While most people associate infatuation as being a “crush”, I find it interesting to note that the same people would not think of it as infatuation if mutually expressed; this kind of naive thinking is in my opinion why relationships fail. On the other hand, fatuous love, which is composed of both intense passion and stabilizing commitment, is even harder for the person feeling it to detect, and they might go their entire life thinking of their love as complete. For example, my girlfriend’s current love is a fatuous love, as she does not know me; in fact, it is because she is so passionate that she cannot know me, being blinded by her passion. As a result, our love cannot consummate, because the imbalance caused by that passion prevents the relationship from progressing to a more mature state. All love requires balance to be complete, and balance can only be achieved with the maturity of the relationship, through which (to borrow from Freud) a more pure love can be sublimated.

In my case, I have the commitment and the intimacy, but I have no passion for our relationship; the primacy reason why I lack passion is because the relationship itself is of no value to me– I seek that which can be found in the relationship, but is not part of the relationship itself: communication, my greatest value. Through communication I can understand, inspire, appreciate, connect, become one with, and known, through and through. I already know that my love with a person will never be complete, and it is not because she is not good enough; rather, no one is good enough, because my love is not for a person, but for Love itself, and ultimately for the Oneness, which itself is expressed most magnificently through Love.

There are many different types of Love, and although I believe the love that I am seeking to the more pure form, I can recognize that because infatuate love is all that most people are truly capable of, that a love of innocent passion will indeed suffice. I am endowed with the insight to see beyond such trivialities, but so it is that I also have a greater burden to carry, in accordance with the karmic law. My love is great, but only because I was born to greatness.

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