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Different Ways of Looking at the Same Thing

October 15, 2010

I am at the point where I must decide between servitude to my Ego (Individualism) and discarding my Ego (Oneness). This is actually quite the difficult decision for me, as there are many things that I want to do with my life, and I have a lingering fear that by letting go of my Ego, I might not live up to my potential. This is an irrational fear of course (Oneness is the only means by which I can live up to my potential, after all), but nevertheless a powerful motivator. You see, Oneness lets me live up to my potential in the grand scheme of things, whereas my Ego will permit me to achieve perfection in my own eyes. It’s like playing a game you know you can win, versus excelling in a game where winning is irrelevant. While I prefer excellence, somehow I still desperately want to play a game I can win, and without an Ego that’s just not possible. As a result, I hold onto to my Ego, as I fear by discovering my true nature that the game will become irrelevant, at which point it won’t even matter whether I’m alive or not.

Put simply, I’m afraid of letting go, and even more afraid of losing myself in the process. I want not only to be perfect, but also to appreciate that perfection, and to soak in and benefit from the praises of others. With both the Ego and the SuperEgo this is possible; by discarding the Ego (and by extension, the SuperEgo), I fear will not be able to appreciate myself anymore, as immersion with the World will deem the Self irrelevant and meaningless.

There’s a price for everything- this much I know. The price of oneness is selflessness, and I have to admit I like who I am. I like how unique my character is, how I can say with confidence that there is no one in this world even remotely like me. I like to come up with original ideas, and to retrospect over how far I’ve come, and how bright of a future I have. I like being me.

But even more than this, I intensely look forward to the ambitious projects that await me: the perfect social character, a utopic civilization, and everlasting creative accomplishments– these are some of the goals that I have in mind. I know that I can accomplish the impossible, and so I seek to do so to open the eyes of the world, that they might too seek to see the world through eyes unclouded, as I do. Yet ironic as it might seem, I will have to continue to see the world through distorted lenses to get to that point in the first place. To get the world to see life as it truly is, I must continue to live my life in corruption, that I might ensure that I am not cut off from the world. The world is not yet prepared for the purity of mind that I wish for it to have, and so by living a life of such a pristine quality, I would only cause misunderstandings.

How do I resolve this dilemma of mine? Which direction should I take? It’s a bit simpler than it sounds, really. I just need to step outside myself, that I might see things in utmost clarity. After all, in reality it’s just different ways of looking at the same thing!

Remember now, that just as material energy and spiritual energy are just two different conceptions of reality interacting with each other, Individualism, Collectivism, and Oneness (antithesis, thesis, and synthesis, respectively) are just different perspectives of the same ultimatum. Regardless of what perspective I choose, the end result will be the same; the perspective does not change who I am, or what I do; it only determines the nature and magnitude of the appreciation of those actions, both by myself and others. As such, I can maintain my individuality, incorporate collectivists values, and be driven by Oneness– all simultaneously. By keeping my eyes on the bigger picture, I can recognize that because it’s all ultimately just different ways of looking at the same thing, all that’s left is for me to appreciate that thing.

So what is that thing? By now you should know what it is: Oneness!

To become One with the World, and the World with Me.

To appreciate all that is the World, that in appreciation I might know Beauty

Through Beauty, that I might know Love

For only through pure Love can God truly be known.

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