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Possessed

August 13, 2010

I would imagine that not many people believe in demon possession, but as one who has experienced it first-hand, I cannot help but believe in it. I have been taken over by external forces (call them aliens, demons, archons, or ascended beings, the name attached to them really doesn’t matter) at least 3 times in the last 10 years, and the effects still linger to this day. As to whether or not these experiences were good or bad, I could not tell you; however, I have the distinct feeling that whether my possession were beneficial or detrimental– this will be for me to decide.

You might criticize my labeling of these experiences as being “possession”, and attach labels to them like “mental illness”, “post-trauma” or even “drugs” (which I don’t do, by the way). But this post in not trying to convince anyone of anything; it is merely an account of things as they were experienced by me– a spiritual autobiography of sorts. So although you might have your own interpretation of these events, that is neither here nor there; this is merely the truth as I perceived it, so when attempting to interpret these events, keep that in mind.

In the following paragraphs I will depict my possession experiences to the best of my ability, although most of them were quite vague and intensely emotional in nature:

The first possession occurred when I was 10 years old:

I was in my room trying to go to sleep, and as I looked at my hands upon my sheets, a mirrored image of my hands appeared, albeit only as a shadowed blur. Intrigued, I sought to replicate the phenomenon, and did so successfully twice; the third time I could not, and so prepared to go to sleep.

As I was about to fall asleep, I woke up to what felt like intense pressure to my soul, and I was terrified. I sat up rigidly, and looked around the room to see where the pressure had come from. At first I saw nothing, but then I looked upon the shelf, and upon it a dark figure to whom I could not perceive a form or color. Although at first fearful, I became mesmerized by the intensity of the figure, which I perceived to be evil, and yet a mystic curiosity. As a looked upon it, my heart became heavy with darkness, and I felt as though I had become numb with melancholy.

Then suddenly, as quick as it had come, it had gone. I thought that God had saved me from dark forces, that my soul had been rescued from evil by my Lord Jesus. But the fear still lingered within me, that perhaps the Devil had left his mark on me.

The second possession occurred when I was 12 years old, while enrolled in Los Gatos Christian School (LGCC), a private Jr. High school. This was the first possession in which dark forces physically controlled my body.

I don’t know when it started, but at some point during the second semester of 8th grade, I began to act strangely. I was flirting with and stalking other guys, and even expressing such attractions with innuendoes of a vulgar nature. The demons had possessed me to sexually harass other guys.

To this day I have not felt a possession so strong as this, for even my memory was held prisoner to this demon; I did not realize anything that I had done until after the demons had left me. At the time of this possession, I had no propensity for homosexuality– I was a strong Christian who believed such an orientation to be the work of the devil, and one of the more unnatural and unclean things a person could ever do. There was no reason for me to do such things ordinarily, but this was not ordinary– this was a possession.

After the matter was brought to my attention, I stood there rigid and in shock, for I “knew not what I was doing”. Until I was brought into the principle’s office for disciplinary action, I had no idea that anything at all had occurred– until these things were brought to my attention, I was completely oblivious to what I had done. After the demons left me, the memories returned, and it is these memories that most haunt me.

The third possession occurred when I was 15 years old, while going to school at Foothill ADT High school, a government-funded behavioral school.

I was being disciplined for “socially-inappropriate behavior”, and as I was sitting there, I was attacked by voices in my head. They berated my all at once, reminding me of all of my problems and faults in my life. That was the first time that I wanted to die…I couldn’t take it. This was probably also the first time that I “faced myself” for who I really faced myself as a person– which brings us to the potential benefits of possession: self-evaluation.

Because demons rely on a person’s vulnerabilities as a person to continue feeding on the energies of their host, they will look for a person’s flaws to create opportunities to grab hold of a person’s soul, and continue to exploit them in oder to maintain that hold. I’ve made use of this demonic opportunism to better understand myself: Because they make me face myself (so I can see my flaws), I am forced into better understanding the parts of myself which before I was too afraid to even look at. Now there is nothing in my life that I am afraid of, or that I can be afraid of.

Because of possession, there is now nothing in this world that I am afraid of.

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