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Calculated Risk

July 16, 2010

Due in part to my mental illness, I’ve been holding back on life, because I know that when I’m excessively stressed, my judgement becomes poor, and my actions tend to become dramatically risky. Because I don’t know what I will do when I go past that limit, I try to play it safe– but as a result, my life becomes stagnant and mediocre.

So What I am focusing on right now– what I need to become most educated about, is this thing called a “calculated risk”.

Just like the methodology people use to take profits off the stock market, anyone who wants to be successful, whether they have mental illness or not, must allow for a certain margin of risk to unlock that extra bit of performance necessary to be ahead of the proverbial curve. In my case, I’m going to have to learn to let go of myself more, and let loose some of my “craziness”, that I might be able to effectively apply it to creative ends.

Sure people will think I’m weird– on occasion, I might even be thought crazy (no surprise there!), but it’s all a means to an end, that I already know will be justified, because I know just how much that I am capable of– I know just how amazing I am, and how incredible and profound the things that I will do could be. But to accomplish such things, there must be some “unleashing of the beast” within me…I just need to plan ahead, so that I might be able to calculate the risks involved– that way, I won’t be a liability to myself any more– I’ll be an investment.

I suppose that’s part of what my project Ego Engineering is about– turning “risk” into “investment” when it comes to self-improvement (or more specifically, “self-engineering”).

Creativity cannot thrive in a controlled environment, but neither can be exist in a reality where no standards can define it; in this respect, creative expression can be considered the product of a Balance between “Chaos” and “Control”. The ‘art’ of maintaining this balance is the source of the risks that accompany a lifestyle dependent on creative expression, which is the lifestyle that I desire to lead.

I’ve got a lot of rough edges to work out as I try to better express myself creatively, but until these areas are better refined (and so that these areas might be better refined), I’m going to have to take a few calculated risks.

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