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True Beauty

July 9, 2010

Every once in a while, I get this mysterious feeling– one of Oneness, of transcendence, and of purity. It’s the nexus between me and God, me and the World, me and Myself. The search for this feeling, which I first had while watching the anime Strawberry Panic, has become something of an obsession for me. I found that the most compelling evidence of it was “the point”, and the question that led to understanding of “the point” is ‘Why?’– which lead to my increased interest in Causality and Motivation.

As my interest in understanding and experiencing this feeling continued to grow, I finally found an outlet by which to express it: fiction. Upon the suggestion of a friend and mentor, I began work on Essence of the Soul, which is– among other things– the journey of exploring this same feeling. By experiencing the feeling through writing, I was able to gain a better understanding for it, and achieve a greater unity (nexus) with this feeling; Now I have finally been able to find a word for it: Beauty.

I am not referring to physical or emotional beauty– the kind of feeling that comes from spirituality being converted into physical form (the resulting corruption producing the hybridized byproduct “Instinct”). I’m referring True Beauty– the spiritual epiphany which Gnosticism referred to as Gnosis, that Buddha referred to as Nirvana, and that Plato referred to in his “Symposium”— which in the epistemological sense would be known as “Truth”.

This True Beauty, which is the ultimate source of everything that we live for (whether we consciously know it or not), is the Essence of the Soul, and as such the ultimate goal with the characters of my novel are striving for (even though they will not realize it until the end of the novel.

It is love for the sake of loving, and on the more cosmic scale, is the ability to find a pure beauty (that which possesses a transcendent level of purity and sacredness) in everything. Even though I have not yet experienced this feeling in its full magnitude and glory, I do understand what it means to see this kind of beauty in everything. It is a wonderful feeling– akin to that of gaining a small (yet profound) glimpse of the mind of God. To understand the Mind of God through pursuing this Beauty– that is my ultimate goal. For I must know God to know my purpose, since it is He that endowed me with that Purpose.

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