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Bipolar Lifestyle

June 27, 2010

For most people, emotions are a daily part of life– something often taken for granted. And many bipolar people (God-forbid most?) will also take their emotions for granted– sabotaging their own lives and the lives of those around them in the process.

But for those intellectual folk who have bipolar or other mood disorders (like myself), we can’t take our emotions for granted. Living the bipolar lifestyle and getting away with it requires a lot of self-knowledge, and quite a bit of reality tweaking– particularly when it comes to our emotions.

If you think that emotions are real, then you don’t know what it’s like to be bipolar. None of our emotions are real– well okay, I’ll be a bit more subjective about it: I don’t think I’ve ever genuinely felt anything. Or perhaps I’ve just forgotten what to feel.

For someone who will predictably go between über-happy and über-depressed, for no apparent reason, of course it doesn’t feel real. It’s like that I’m acting from a drama script– only I don’t know what the script says until after I act it out.

Everything I feel is fake– so as I result, I can never genuinely feel happy. Imagine what it’s like for your entire life to be drama– no comedy, no romance, no action– just drama. That’s bipolar lifestyle for you.

Sure I put on a good face, but it’s not like I have much of a choice anyway.

No one will understand– sure they pretend they do– they get on this empathetic high horse and pet their own “altruistic” ego by pretending to care…they are so good at acting themselves, they actually believe that they care most of the time. Because they want to care…problem is, it’s kinda hard to care for someone if you don’t quite understand what the problem is.

Then again, maybe the problem isn’t just with me– maybe it’s with everyone. Maybe I’m just experiencing these symptoms because I’m closer to the solution: What if no one is real– that everyone is just pretending? What is emotions are just the byproduct of failed communication, and we are so infatuated with the mystery that we don’t bother to solve the case?

Well enough about what-ifs; the issue here is that, for one reason or another, nothing I feel is real…well, at least when it comes to feelings that can be found on a shrink chart. But there are feelings that I do know are real, and these feelings are one of the primary focuses of my book Essence of the Soul.

The feeling that I am primarily concerned with right now is that of Oneness— the strong self-awareness that we are all integrally connected to this interdependent “Fate”– that we are essentially all part of God manifested.

Because this feeling is real to me, I am seeking it out, and I strongly believe that everyone should, to whatever extent they can, seek out this feeling also.

Human emotions are unreliable, temporal, and compromised by nature; these facts are made crystal-clear for those of us cursed (or should I say, blessed?!) with bipolar. Oneness, on the other hand, is perfect in nature…Oneness is eternal.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. A Reader of th3g1vr since 20 Dec 06 permalink
    June 27, 2010 8:13 pm

    You are correct, emotions are often a result of failed communications. But, I am referring to those emotions which are substantially based upon the realities of life. Perhaps, inasmuch as you do not feel, you are unable to differentiate between the two.

    In the human experience, there can be gradations of abilities;—of understanding and of care, based one’s abilities and experiences. I want to care and I do care. I recognize that my understanding is far from complete, and my caring is limited by my abilities. Nevertheless, that does not mean that I do not care. I care, a great deal. I feel that my tears, which you have seen with your own eyes, are a proof of that.

    Your last three paragraphs, I feel, contain a better concept of the future than most people are capable of understanding. 🙂

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