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Perfect World

March 22, 2010

For quite some time I’ve conceptualized myself as an idealist, and delved deep into the power of belief in oneself and one’s reality, as well as the potential power of knowledge (particularly knowledge of oneself) and self affirmation.

I’ve been obsessed with unlocking my own potential– perhaps so obsessed (at least philosophy-wise) that it has deterred me from that very goal. But I knew from the very beginning that I needed to wake up, and let’s face it– I just wasn’t ready.

But then again, I know I’ll never be ready! Why? Because I’ll never be good enough. Because I am a perfectionist.

I live in this perfect world where everything has to be done right– so since nothing I do will ever be good enough, I have a mental block that prevents me from ever putting any solid effort into anything, for fear that when I really put my all into what I’m doing, it will still not be good enough. Because I know that it won’t be. Because that’s the person I am.

But that is the part of me that needs to change. To begin with, my view of perfection is limited to my own flawed, distorted perception, so such an approach to perfection is inherently wrong to begin with.

Now don’t get me wrong, I do believe in human perfection– this is an idea I feel very strongly about. But I also know that such a perfection cannot be attained by a single individual– after all, truth itself (the primary prerequisite of perfection) cannot be attained unless one takes everything into account.

As such, I should not strive for perfection (which, as explained in my “Ode to Academia) post, is the psychological equivalent of “running before I walk”, but instead strive for enlightenment.

Only after achieving enlightenment will I be ready to go about achieving perfection, and (ultimately), god-status) 😀

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