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Wake Up Call

February 14, 2010

There are a lot of things that I want to do in my life– many amazing, wonderful things. Despite having very little value for myself or others, I know what I am capable of, and have an obligation to do these things, just because I know I can.

The main problem that I have is that there’s not follow-through. I’ll get really excited about ideas that I know will change the world– then an hour or so later– the idea dies.

I am the type of person to give up really easily, and am really impatient; if I don’t get results right away, I lose my motivation. So since most of my goals I have are long-term and ambitious in nature, I can’t seem to do anything I want to do– anything that I know I can do– that’s meaningful.

I need the discipline– the maturity to be able to think beyond the moment, and plan for the future. To know what the future holds, and act accordingly. A self-fulfilling prophet– that was what I was supposed to be.

My Purpose.

I need to wake up from this dream I’m having, and finally start living life. I need to place value on myself, and others– on my reality. I deserve more than this.

There is one thing going for me right now that I have to work with: Obsession.

To obsess about something– that is one of the few ways that I know I can achieve immersion. To eat, drink, breathe, and sleep whatever I do. To only do that thing, and for nothing else to matter– that is how I thrive.

“How come I must know…where obsession needs to go? How come I must know…the direction of relieving?” [A quote from the song “Obsession” by See-Saw]

In Computer Repair, we are expected to eat, drink, breathe, sleep the trade. For a person like myself who thrives on obsession, this would actually be best.

If I had done that from the very start, I would probably be better off. But nevertheless, I am glad that I didn’t choose to do that until, because I learned many other valuable lessons…I learned what love was, experienced what friendship really should be like– to have a true bond with someone.

I also was able to get very far in my fiction novel Essence of the Soul, and surprise myself at how good at writing I could actually be.

There is so much more that I could do with it– so much more that I need to learn about writing to express those feelings and sensations that are still difficult to express. The plot that my book is becoming is so amazing– so completely awesome that I don’t even know that I’ll ever find the words to properly depict it. But I will try my best, and it will be the best novel ever written.

But for now, I’m going to try my very best to study Computer Repair. I need to get a good job that I can make a lot of money really quick– start a small business to make even more money then that.

I need to retire as soon as possible so that I can begin work on doing the things that I wanted to do in the first place. And for that I need obsession– I need a financial cushion so that I can completely dedicate myself to my work.Only then can I achieve my dreams, and in doing so be free to wake up.

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