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Valentine’s Day

February 13, 2010

A new moon is coming up, and I’m setting that as my target for beginning to make real changes. I’ve been living in a dream for the past few years, and it’s time that I wake up. I have a friend, Carlos, that is helping me to wake up– to finally start living my life, and I’m not going to take his help for granted.

I have value, even though I may not realize it. I’ve done a lot of writing, and I need to start applying it. I am what I believe in, but until I start believing in myself, I am nothing, and they are nothing. Where I go in my life, and what I do, is up to me.

When I start to try to do something for myself, I often give up because I don’t get instant results. I’m an impatient person, and because I haven’t placed value on myself, I give up easily, and end up just going with the flow.

Maturity comes from placing enough value on yourself to do what you need to do even when you don’t feel like it. I need to force myself to work harder, to do more for myself even when I am depressed or frustrated– not because of obligation to others (which I have none to begin with), but because I am that damn important to myself.

Until I am important to myself, no one else will be important to me either. If the reality that I live in is of my own making, then the people of this reality are an extension of myself. If I have no friends, it is only because I will not befriend myself. If people do not like me or want to be around me, it is because I hate myself.

A new day has come– one in which I will make a new person for myself– a person that I can love, and by extension be love by others.

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